Give Me A Break

With the approach of every December 31st the static in my mind begins to reflect and take stock of where I am in my life and make grandiose designs for the coming year.  I take a harsh look at all of my failings and endeavor to correct them all at that magical stroke of midnight when suddenly anything is possible because, after all, we've survived another year and have a fresh, unmarked calendar ahead of us.

With four children, two jobs and a mortgage, I'm not quite where I thought I was going to be.  Some of those former grandiose pictures resembled a Hallmark card rather than the mess that surrounds me now.  Looking around there are dirty dishes cast aside, blankets, baby dolls, gaming devices a-plenty and more things that I can name cluttering up the living room.  It's nearly 10:00pm and my oldest is still cleaning her room, my eight year old is sound asleep, my son is trying to get that last excess energy out by continually coming down the stairs for one last kiss/hug/drink of water, and my 2 year old is watching Spongebob, sleep nowhere in sight.  Work will come far too early and I'll have wondered where the time went.

So, though it was 10 days ago, at this year's midnight marker I decided to give myself a break.  No, I don't really need to make a resolution to get more organized because let's be honest, the whirlwind that is my family will undo that as quickly as I can do it.  No, there is nothing on my list that says make sure I don't go to bed until the house is clean - I'd never sleep!  And no, even though I'm working toward bariatric surgery, there is nothing on my resolution list about weight loss.  Why, because for this one year those damning critical voices in my head are being silenced.

This year, my list is as follows:

1 - Blog twice a month.  It will be nice to be able to get these thoughts off my chest and send them into the void of the internet.  Writing is therapeutic for me, and I will take better care of myself this year.

2 - Read whenever I can.  Usually it takes no encouragement for me to become lost in the lines and rhythm of a novel, but more often than not I sacrifice that time for mindless activities.  No more.  I shall spend my time reading. :)

3- Try a new wine every month.  Why not have one resolution I know for sure I won't fail at?!?  I love wine and I love new experiences, within reason.  Since my social calendar is filled with diaper changes, book reports, macaroni and cheese and Monster High, I will venture out with wine.  I cant think of anything more delicious!

I know myself well enough to know that I will still be trying to shed those pounds and contain the madness that is our family's existence.  But this crazy life is so much better than those Hallmark pictures with their stuffy...perfectness.  I'm pretty sure that with my imagined 2.5 children, dog, cat and husband living in our moderate but beautiful home I'd be missing something.  I'm certain their names are James, Faythe, Hope, Jaeden and Rayne.  So despite the toothpaste that I've washed out of the baby's hair four times today, life is good and I'll raise this glass of wine to that!